Today was a failure as I turned a decent drawing and concept into a really bad painting (more on this in a little bit). Instead I chose to post a study I did of a panel in the manga Lone Wolf and Cub, using a ball point pen and calligraphy marker. I found several volumes of the manga at a used bookstore in Montpellier and was immediately drawn to the dynamic artwork and story. (Interestingly Frank Miller, who did the cover art for several volumes, grew up in Montpellier). Studying Goseki Kojima’s art has given me a much better understanding of composition, value and line weight and I am excited to continue doing more studies of his work.
Tomorrow I leave Vermont to go back to my life in Toronto. I’m not sure that I’m ready to give up the work flow and routines cultivated in the serenity of the mountains. As a young girl growing up in Winnipeg, all I wanted to do was live in the big city. Now, I often feel overwhelmed by the chaos, the unidentifiable smells, the over stimulation, the perpetual consumption and ultimate apathy. I do miss my friends and will be glad to see them but on some level I’m not ready to reengage. I’m going to enjoy going back to my bachelor pad and finally doing things my way but I’m going to miss my family, despite the fact that they drive me nuts in ways you can’t even imagine.
I don’t know how to articulate this feeling I’m going through but I was hoping to explore the feeling in the failed painting. I really struggled today between getting the painting done and getting in quality family time. I felt divided and didn’t give my full effort to either one and regret not doing this for the latter. So I aim to wake up early to spend the morning of my last day fully present. Tomorrow I will be on a bus all day and it is very unlikely I will have time to work on anything (drawing on a vehicle makes me queasy). But I will pick up the painting again on Friday and try to infuse my emotions into the little landscape.